The Longest Season

Holding On When There Is No End in Sight

It’s my birthday. Forty-seven years ago today, my mom and dad were on their way to the hospital after church to meet their first child. An expectant, possibly sobering, October Sunday drive lined with falling leaves in hues of gold and red, as they welcomed a new season into their lives.

This forty-seventh year is no different for their daughter. I look outside and see the sun coming over the trees, peeping through amber leaves, and welcome the brisk air brushing my skin through the open window. The season outside is changing, and mine is, too.

When I started this blog at the beginning of the year, I mentioned more than once that I felt the word “shift” had been placed on my heart. The year started with a cancer scare, and I penned my way through processing that here. In the midst of that shift, God’s presence was as real and sure for me as it’s ever been. When I found out I didn’t have cancer, the shift didn’t stop, though. In many ways, the waves of change came faster and stronger. The cancer story was mine alone to tell, but the rest of the story isn’t, so I let the words here stop.

Writing is a vulnerable outlet for me. In a season where my soul has been laid bare, I haven’t been able to bear sharing words publicly, for fear of sharing too much. I do believe one day, on the other side of this road I’m traveling, I’ll be able to share more. But for now, the test in my testimony is still being written.

I had a vision this past week that I was walking on a long bridge, much like the one I traveled this summer, heading to the Outer Banks with my daughter. We couldn’t see to the other side, but we knew it was there. In my vision, the road would at times be inundated with waves, but God was holding my hand and never let me get swept away. I couldn’t see more than one step ahead, but He never let go, and I know He never will.

Maybe you’re traveling on a bridge over an ocean, and the waves keep coming. If you aren’t today, chances are that on some tomorrow you will be. There is only one safe way across. Jesus is THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life.

While this has been and will most likely continue to be one of the hardest years of my life, for the first time, I’m not leaning on my own understanding. Instead, I’m anchored to the promises of my God, crying out to the only One who can help and heal and trusting in the work He’s doing, even when I can’t see or feel it. There’s much more to say, but for now I’ll say this – God is real. El Roi sees YOU. He loves YOU. He knows what YOU need, and it may not be what YOU want. But I promise you, His way is better. Let Him lead. Rest in His care. Trust in His faithfulness. And know you are never alone.

xx,
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For those of you who signed up for this blog expecting to hear much more frequently from me, I sincerely apologize. I hope words will begin to come freely, and I can start sharing more. I don’t take your support lightly. I desire to write a devotional for my paid subscribers in the near future. Please pray for the words to come. I want to steward the gift of writing well and help you see the greatness of our God.