From unbearable to beautiful.
Eight weeks of the heaviest weight of waiting I’ve known in forty-six years is over. I prayed last week that no matter what the outcome, God would allow me to carry the call well. Because whether the call was positive or negative, I wanted to receive it with the same grace He’s given me in the in-between. All the what-ifs hanging on threads of what now have been severed and left with no weight after the call.
I saw “Radiology” on my phone screen and knew I needed to answer, but hesitated to hit receive. Standing on the edge of a cancer cliff, not knowing if you’re about to be pushed over or pulled away, is its own degree of ignorant bliss.
“Tell me your birthdate and I can give you some great news about your biopsy,” the nurse said. I fumbled out “ten-twenty-two-seventy-eight” as fast as I could and the tears started falling as she said, “No cancer.” No cancer. Praise God, no cancer. Deep exhale. More tears. No cancer. Two words carrying the weight of the world. The weight of my world. A weight I didn’t want to carry, but felt at peace with just the same.
Maybe it sounds smug to say that. To think that if I’d gotten bad news instead of good, that I’d still be “ok” with it. But I’m not who I was eight months ago, let alone eight weeks ago. God’s done – is doing – a work in me. A work I know is still in infancy, but praise God, in the works just the same. And because I know God has been good in every good and bad thing that’s ever happened in my life, I know He always will be. To know Him is to know no less.
Two weeks ago I went in for a biopsy that wasn’t able to be completed. In the aftermath, I was left reeling between doctors’ offices who couldn’t get on the same page, having to be my own advocate, make calls and ask questions I didn’t even know how to ask. The frustration was palpable and I know I didn’t always carry it well. But I also know God used these last two weeks to bring me from impatience to peace. And trust you me, that was nothing but a divine demonstration of the Holy Spirit.
I went into this last biopsy without the fear or nervousness I had going into the first. But God didn’t stop there. The doctor told me there would be a bad sting, I felt none. She told me I’d probably need meds a few days for the pain, I took two Tylenol only once. She told me I’d probably be black and blue for a week, and I’ve yet to see one bruise. I’m claiming all of this as answer to prayer – both mine and those who have prayed on my behalf.
Would God be less good if I’d had difficulty with the procedure? No.
Would God be less good if I’d heard, “You have cancer.”? No.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I know Who holds it. And I know that these eight weeks have served a purpose, because in all things God is working good for His people. While my waiting for this one thing may be over, there are other things for which I’m still waiting. Things more near and dear to me than any body part of mine.
In the end, it’s not so much about the final say, as it is all the moments strung between. Moment by precious moment of learning to surrender each breath, care, and struggle to the God who can make the weight of waiting not just bearable, but beautiful.
57 responses to “In the end.”
Great news, Meredith!!
Praising Him 🙌
Thank you for sharing this. Poignant yet encouraging. Psalm 149:4 says, “He takes delight in his people, especially those who are afflicted… he will beautify the afflicted with salvation.” What an amazing thought, that my Father delights in me even when I feel lost in my trials & suffering! In fact, he takes pleasure in me especially when I face the unpleasantness of affliction. Through it all Meredith, your Father is preparing you to be a veteran of spiritual warfare, an example of faith and trust to this generation.
This is so encouraging. I pray He will use me any way He can to share the Gospel. Thank you for your words!❤️
What a relief! But just look at what you’ve learned and shared about the goodness of God! Thank you!!!
Yes. Thank you Jesus!
❤️
That is Great news!!!
Praise God! So happy to hear of your good results and more importantly, the lessons learned. I’m clinging to your story as inspiration during my own season of waiting. If I were closer, I’d bring coffee and cookies and sing a few hymns with you. 💜
I so wish we could have that coffee date. Prayers for you in the wait 🙏❤️
What a beautiful testimony, Meredith! Thank you for your humble courage to share it with us! Great photo, too, by the way.
You’ve been showered with God’s Grace throughout a very difficult process. What a blessing!
You are so correct about the importance of experiencing life as “moments strung” together. Life is experienced in the present, each one a gift from God. Each breath. Each heartbeat. Each smile and hug. Each Snickers bar 🤣.
So, rather than having the perspective of surrendering each moment to God, I’ve learned to embrace each one in the joy of living each moment in His Grace, standing fully in trust that each moment of our lives is a testimony to God’s Greatness, His Mercy, and testament to His Glory.
Yours is a truly one such marvelous testament!
Peace & Blessings to you and yours!
✨️🕊🙏🎊✨️
Thank you for the very encouraging words. I love the idea of embracing every moment. I hope to live like that 🙏❤️
I am so grateful for the good news you received! But you are 100% correct. God is in the yes and the no and the not yet. Learning to lean into His sovereignty is no easy task. I am learning…EVERY DAY! He is sifting my heart in all the waiting and trials to purify my heart and mind. Do I enjoy it? Nope! However He is worthy….more than worthy of our praise I the good and hard seasons.
*in* the good and hard
Yes Bonitia! He’s in all of it and has already made a way through. 🙏🙌
Meredith I have been praying for you to get good news. This morning after all my prayers which included you I opened my iPad to find this wonderful news. God has a plan for you Meredith I will continue to pray for you.
Thank you so much for standing with me Mary Kay 🥹❤️
I’ve been praying for you daily since I read about your waiting period for the biopsy results. Writing your name down in my prayer journal next to my prayers for my husband, my grandkids, my kids–the closest people in my life. I was absolutely taken by surprise at my reaction to your good news. Tears began to fall for a woman I’ve never met, but when you pray for someone, you have a connection that is on a spiritual realm. God is so good to us. He has taught you so much and you have been so generous to share it with all of us. Thank you for shining your light, especially in the hard times so the rest of us don’t feel so alone in the struggle. Praising God with you!!!!
My thoughts exactly!! I am crying happy tears for a woman I’ve never met yet feel so connected to. God is so so good!!
Y’all are the literal best. Thanking God for you!
This means so much to me. Your response made me cry. Thank you for helping carry my burden Jesus 😭🙏
I started crying too! I think that’s the Holy Spirit filling each of us with His Love.
Thank you for sharing this part of your personal journey so that we can be encouraged also. Blessings to you and your beautiful family. 💜
Praise God!! I am rejoicing for you!!!
I’ve been waiting for this wonderful news. Thank you for sharing your journey! God’s light is shining through you. He is definitely using you to get His message to the world!
Thank you so much!
God is Good! All The Time! Praise God! God has asked you to do some amazing work and He isn’t done with you yet! Celebrating with you!
Won’t He do it?! 🎉🙌
Crying happy tears here as well for your news. isn’t it wonderful that we have each other as sisters in Christ to pray and mourn and celebrate with?! Listening to you read your story, that’s how it felt. God bless you sister!!
Yes, it’s so beautiful 😭🙏🙌
God is faithful in sickness and in health. We are so thankful for answered prayer. One day we shall ll be called home; but until that day we shall do our best to bloom where we are planted and abide in His love. May God continue to bless you and your family is our prayer…
Love that. Yes, let us bloom where He plants us ❤️
I am so happy to hear you’ve overcome. You are on my prayer list. God bless you and your family.
Thank you for your prayers. They have been felt and heard!
On the other side of trials, there is wisdom, for those who look for it. I believe that gathering wisdom is one of the reasons God put us here.
I knew it! At least I knew it was going to be good news! And I would also say, that God is telling you not to worry…. And that these trials are actually allowed in your life because he loves you, and does not want you ever to go astray and instead be closer to him… because God is real. Jesus is actually a real person hanging out with his father they are twins and they are on some other planet that is similar to this one but insanely more beautiful…. We don’t need to worry about anything in this life especially anything deadly…. Because when you die, it is not death, something will pop out of your body, and it will be you! Your voice, your mannerisms, the way you move your arms, that thing pops out… at that moment you will realize you were never a human being like the body is… you’re not even related to your parents or your siblings… that thing that pops out was put into your mom’s womb sometime after conception… and it can’t be released until the battery dies. I saw this first hand in 1998 when I died I popped out of my body and believe me that whole thing about Jesus in the Bible it is real…. It just has a lot of things that need to be trusted because the canon was put together in 300 A.D. from witnesses and preachings, not the original testimony of the apostles… but the reason they took that painstaking measure to put the book together is because enough people had handed down these stories that were absolutely witnessed… does apostles saw Jesus alive after he was killed. That’s why everyone of them gave their life and did not accept the Romans money or land in exchange for publicly denouncing, Jesus. No man on earth would give his life for something like that, unless they absolutely saw Jesus alive after he died, knowing they would have eternal life. Or they would’ve totally denounced Jesus and we would not have the Bible. I pray that anything that happens to you in the future, things that happen when we’re old, that you get excited about the end, that if it’s death that you are facing, know that it will be over before you know it and you will be out of your body completely alive, and more healthy than you are today. Just make sure that you are getting rid of sin whatever it is every day and you talked to god knowing that he’s really there… believing, asking for forgiveness for everything you do wrong, and you will be forgiven no problem at all as long as there’s remorse and your heart is true….. you will never lose that eternal life. And when you pop out., a Crystaline tornado will open up and you will shoot through it with great speed, and you will be taken to do the people who created you Jesus and his father… that’s when life actually begins… the real life… that’s why it says that Jesus said he is the way the truth and the life…. This worldly truth is completely false…. People fear the things on this earth because they have doubts about there being life after this…. They think this life is so precious…. It’s actually not precious at all., it’s just to be enjoyed for a short period and then we are to be taken back… that’s why people get old and crusty and crippled… that’s why there’s really no beauty in death…. Everything sort of gets bad., there’s heartache…. Everything tells us that this life isn’t what we think it is…. The pleasure and the joy, it’s just momentary it’s really not worth much when you look at the reality that Jesus has laid out for us. And again I can attest to seeing this firsthand., and also that there is a place called Hades that most people will be taken down to when they pop out because they did not believe…. And that Crystaline tornado will not open up for them…. God will not take them back….. you can rest of sure that your belief in God is correct… and that also you can rest of sure, and you’ll have less terror and fear when trials hit… instead, become excited that you may be released from the body, and finally start your life, which will be forever and ever and ever and eternity that thing that pops out will never die. Congratulations loved hearing this message!
Thank you Bud!
🙂
Praise, Jesus! Such great news! Thankful that you’re cancer free, Meredith.
Thanks sweet girl! Yay God!
🙏❤️
Praise God for answering prayers! 🙏
Thank you!🙌
Praise the Lord and thanking Him for answered prayers. I am so glad to see this news today.
Thank you!
Praise God!!! You’ve been in my prayers daily and I’m sooooo very thankful for your wonderful news! Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. God is indeed so amazingly good!! ❤️🙏❤️
That means so much to me 🥹❤️
I have prayed and Prayers for continued good health now! KJ
Thank you Kathy!❤️
That is good, good news.
I prayed for you. I cried when I read the news. I’m so thankful to God for this news. So happy for you and your family. Thank you for sharing the goodness of God.
Praise God! 🙌🏻 Prayers answered! I have been praying for you and your family ever since I read your first post about the test results showed a little something that the doctors were concerned about. You and your family have been on my mind ever since. I am so very thankful to God for the wonderful news! I will definitely keep praying for you and your family because I consider y’all part of my family. ❤️🙏🏻
I was more emotionally and spiritually invested in this waiting than I ever let on to you. And so now, I still have no words, but maybe I will when my deep sigh of relief is over.
Aww. So thankful for the gift of you, friend. Thank you for praying me through this. ❤️
Praise God! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻Continued prayers for God’s protection over you and your family. 🙏🏻💕🙏🏻
Great news!!! Our God is so good!!! I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma over 22 years ago. My family immediately went to prayer my sister one morning reading her Bible and praying was given the scripture.
Psalms 118:17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
When she called us and gave us the scripture, an immediate peace came into our hearts that only comes from our Lord. Over the past 22 years I have been able to give my testimony and proclaim what the Lord has done. He is so so good!!
6 months of chemo and a month of radiation, I’m now almost 23 years past!! PTL!!
Meredith, I’m so happy for you. What beautiful words to hear. I was diagnosed 9 years ago with Neuroendocrine Cancer. It’s been a journey. But, I am still here. I’m taking my fifth treatment now. Oral chemo this time. I would appreciate the prayers of those who keep a prayer list.